Wow!!! After a long long time am finally getting to write....and it feels strange coz there have been loads of changes during that period. Today was not particularly a good day....I mean I don't know if I woke up from the wrong side of the bed....but yeah...guess will remember this day in years to come... I blew up my whole cooking - once upon a time I was been encouraged that I do make good dal, subzi, etc...now suddenly this whole day coz I ruined everything am frowned upon and looked down as if I really don't know anything. I understand everything is new to me...its just been three months and all that and I am learning but guess you do commit mistakes at least some day or the other....That's why dad says never to be so happy when somebody praises you. Everything gets ruined including your confidence...
I cried the whole evening coz I screwed up and I know if I talk to mum she will definitely tell me that some days are good some days are bad...so take it in your stride and walk with confidence...yeah thats true....but then wise words are remembered only when the whole episode gets over....strange and funny.
Its better to polish up the lost confidence rather than feel depressed especially at the first stages of pregnancy you see do not want a grumpy child who is always cribbing...am doing that already. Sigh! So lets get up dust off our pants and backside as well coz the fall will be steep and there will be loads of pebbles along the way...it is for you to brush them aside and get up with a smiling face....as they say Smile and the world smiles with you, cry and you will cry alone! Which did happen I was all alone crying with nobody to sit beside me and tell me its going to be okay, especially when you are at your in-laws place. Comparisons will be drawn, people will talk but its okay. Always hold your head high and not low you will fail that way!
Take this day as a lesson create a new chapter tomorrow for yourself so you have something to share with your kids someday how their mum always cried when she was been told that her cooking wasn't too good!
I am a ROCKSTAR and will always be one!
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Friday, May 15, 2009
I Return Home as a Married Woman
13/05/09 - 12am
Its been 15 days since I got married and while boarding a flight from Indore to Mumbai felt strange coz I wasn't in my usual jeans and t-shirt, the sneakers were absent and so was my funky bag. Instead was dressed in chudidaar-kurta alongwith gold sandals (that I had worn for the wedding) and a handbag to compliment the outfit (no matter what you see I had to stay true to what I am).
My husband came to see me off at the airport, seemed strange that I was returning back home - back home to where I spent almost well not half of my life but yeah spent a lifetime there. My parents, my cousins, my grandma... I clearly remember on the day of my wedding during the send-off ceremony, with tears in my eyes as I hugged my loved ones - I only had one question to ask mum, "Can't I come home, just to see it for one last time?", though it wouldn't be 'last time' but emotions are so heavy, the urge so strong that you wish you could just run away from it all and curl up on your bed and go to sleep. Never wanting to leave your own house.
But I guess I keep on saying this one phrase over and over again, 'You move on in life', when people tell me that, "Oh, we know you will start crying when you come home", to which I tell them I wouldn't. Its like reading a book, once you start turning the pages of the book, you wouldn't return back to page 1, so is with life. I believe that this phase is like a new chapter in my life. And yeah there is no returning back - you have to create a story out of it. And a beautiful one too.
In a few days I will be back to my 'new home', my own house, my new family. A new life, new beginnings. Watch out for this space coz no matter what I will be BACK with another exciting experience. Keeping my fingers crossed on that one!
Its been 15 days since I got married and while boarding a flight from Indore to Mumbai felt strange coz I wasn't in my usual jeans and t-shirt, the sneakers were absent and so was my funky bag. Instead was dressed in chudidaar-kurta alongwith gold sandals (that I had worn for the wedding) and a handbag to compliment the outfit (no matter what you see I had to stay true to what I am).
My husband came to see me off at the airport, seemed strange that I was returning back home - back home to where I spent almost well not half of my life but yeah spent a lifetime there. My parents, my cousins, my grandma... I clearly remember on the day of my wedding during the send-off ceremony, with tears in my eyes as I hugged my loved ones - I only had one question to ask mum, "Can't I come home, just to see it for one last time?", though it wouldn't be 'last time' but emotions are so heavy, the urge so strong that you wish you could just run away from it all and curl up on your bed and go to sleep. Never wanting to leave your own house.
But I guess I keep on saying this one phrase over and over again, 'You move on in life', when people tell me that, "Oh, we know you will start crying when you come home", to which I tell them I wouldn't. Its like reading a book, once you start turning the pages of the book, you wouldn't return back to page 1, so is with life. I believe that this phase is like a new chapter in my life. And yeah there is no returning back - you have to create a story out of it. And a beautiful one too.
In a few days I will be back to my 'new home', my own house, my new family. A new life, new beginnings. Watch out for this space coz no matter what I will be BACK with another exciting experience. Keeping my fingers crossed on that one!
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Pre Marriage Blues Part III
Okay so just 15 days left from today - for the D-day to take place. And is the shopping happening??? Don't forget this-don't forget that, well as the list gets ticked and checked on what is left - I happen to learn new things. Relationships!!! Wow!
Big Wow! Okay so I have never been in a relationship except for small crushes. With friends, I guess its a different story. You don't have to bother about what they will think if you do this or that or you don't have to think twice whether they will get upset if you just happen to pull their leg. And yeah you can laugh and talk out loud no matter what! But in a relationship, well at least initially - you have to be extremely extremely careful about lot of things and if it is a long distance relationship - well God save you then. Especially if you don't know the guy very well and if the phone is the only instrument to connect you - it does get a bit difficult.
Difficult but not impossible. Problem with me is I love to talk to people watch their expressions (its a different story that people like to watch my expression while conversing) at least I know their reaction. Lesson 1 that I learnt from these past two months - Relationships need a lot of PATIENCE - you just cannot hurry up or react to things so soon - just act naturally. Better watch the mood, get the right timing and talk it out of whatever that is bothering you.
Easier said than done, I hope and pray to God to give me the 'required' patience for I run out of it every now and then. 15 days left - you will be hearing more from me coz now am really getting nervous...
Till then watch out for how a bride-to-be feels when there are just 14 days left, her most of the shopping is left, she has to pack her bags and what more!!!
Big Wow! Okay so I have never been in a relationship except for small crushes. With friends, I guess its a different story. You don't have to bother about what they will think if you do this or that or you don't have to think twice whether they will get upset if you just happen to pull their leg. And yeah you can laugh and talk out loud no matter what! But in a relationship, well at least initially - you have to be extremely extremely careful about lot of things and if it is a long distance relationship - well God save you then. Especially if you don't know the guy very well and if the phone is the only instrument to connect you - it does get a bit difficult.
Difficult but not impossible. Problem with me is I love to talk to people watch their expressions (its a different story that people like to watch my expression while conversing) at least I know their reaction. Lesson 1 that I learnt from these past two months - Relationships need a lot of PATIENCE - you just cannot hurry up or react to things so soon - just act naturally. Better watch the mood, get the right timing and talk it out of whatever that is bothering you.
Easier said than done, I hope and pray to God to give me the 'required' patience for I run out of it every now and then. 15 days left - you will be hearing more from me coz now am really getting nervous...
Till then watch out for how a bride-to-be feels when there are just 14 days left, her most of the shopping is left, she has to pack her bags and what more!!!
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Pre Marriage Blues Part II
Okay, so I am blogging after a looong time....but am blogging at least. Tomorrow is April 1st...which doesn't sort of cool my senses or calm my nerves (not that somebody is going to make a fool out of me on this 'auspicious day') but apparently my marriage date is set on April 27th - which is the reason that I have begun to feel all sorts of different emotions at one go. You name it I got it! Nervous, excitement, happiness, sadness, angry - Wow!!!
Shopping is on - though not everything listed is purchased. Have given myself a three day break - and am not active at all! The sarees that I purchased well have got seven of them already! Now I have to learn how to drape them - can't expect somebody to come and do it for you. One thing my elder cousin told me was to learn everything on my own. Be independent. Learn to be strong and rest will follow. Then you know how the feeling is - you feel you just have a few days to stay at your parents home so enjoy as much as you can, get pampered, etc, etc...But I guess maybe practising to be strong, to be independent starts here....
Trying to learn yoga (completely this time) wouldn't want to end up looking fat even after marriage or for that matter put on that extra weight. Meditation is something which can help me as well. Have got several advices as to going to a massage parlour so that your skin glows on your D-day. Am trying to myself motivated - but thats easier said than done. No longer do I try to feel happy, try to feel special something or the other crops up to dash it off.
And in this state of mind - negativity make its way - guess its just waiting around the corner to catch hold of its next victim (not that its difficult to find victims, but the more the merrier) and its also easy to make yourself feel - Oh poor me, how will I go through this, how will my relatives be? There is precisely no end to this.
Watch out for this space coz you might just get to read more of my roller coaster emotions or my pre marriage blues! Wish me luck!
Shopping is on - though not everything listed is purchased. Have given myself a three day break - and am not active at all! The sarees that I purchased well have got seven of them already! Now I have to learn how to drape them - can't expect somebody to come and do it for you. One thing my elder cousin told me was to learn everything on my own. Be independent. Learn to be strong and rest will follow. Then you know how the feeling is - you feel you just have a few days to stay at your parents home so enjoy as much as you can, get pampered, etc, etc...But I guess maybe practising to be strong, to be independent starts here....
Trying to learn yoga (completely this time) wouldn't want to end up looking fat even after marriage or for that matter put on that extra weight. Meditation is something which can help me as well. Have got several advices as to going to a massage parlour so that your skin glows on your D-day. Am trying to myself motivated - but thats easier said than done. No longer do I try to feel happy, try to feel special something or the other crops up to dash it off.
And in this state of mind - negativity make its way - guess its just waiting around the corner to catch hold of its next victim (not that its difficult to find victims, but the more the merrier) and its also easy to make yourself feel - Oh poor me, how will I go through this, how will my relatives be? There is precisely no end to this.
Watch out for this space coz you might just get to read more of my roller coaster emotions or my pre marriage blues! Wish me luck!
Monday, March 16, 2009
Pre Marriage Blues - Part I
Okay....so whoever said that getting married is the most easiest thing to do in life must have eloped or must be dumb to say that (sorry to say that but couldn't help it). While its true that the real picture comes after you get married - just taking the first step could probably be well, shaky. As for me well will be getting married in a month - and there are all sorts of emotions that are running through my heart, different sort of thoughts running through my head. All I know is that I want to be really really happy when I get married and even after marriage. Take that extra effort, do something that I haven't really done. As Buz Lurhmann says, "Do something that scares you", probably not every other day. But yeah I mean when I look back at my life there are few things that I do regret. But then as they say if you do not make mistakes - you cannot be perfect. In fact these very mistakes help you to be perfect....
But its like that, a different phase taking place. And though am nervous as hell coz I will be leaving my safe and warm zone and moving to another zone, its going to take time to adjust to that whole new world. Coz I haven't stayed with my relatives let alone mingle with them so..... And the very fact being that I have always stayed in touch with my friends. They mean everything to me. So....well. Lets see.
Anywayz...so thats that every other day I keep on giving a philosophical talk to myself to motivate me to keep myself ready for whatever will happen in the future. So am trying to brush it off my shoulders.... Breathe in...Breathe out....Gosh!!!! Will keep you posted on whats happening....haven't started out with shopping as yet...so.....will let you know the first item on my list!
But its like that, a different phase taking place. And though am nervous as hell coz I will be leaving my safe and warm zone and moving to another zone, its going to take time to adjust to that whole new world. Coz I haven't stayed with my relatives let alone mingle with them so..... And the very fact being that I have always stayed in touch with my friends. They mean everything to me. So....well. Lets see.
Anywayz...so thats that every other day I keep on giving a philosophical talk to myself to motivate me to keep myself ready for whatever will happen in the future. So am trying to brush it off my shoulders.... Breathe in...Breathe out....Gosh!!!! Will keep you posted on whats happening....haven't started out with shopping as yet...so.....will let you know the first item on my list!
Thursday, February 19, 2009
When Lust and MMS Collide!
I yawned, stretched and as I picked up todays newspaper early in the morning - the first thing that caught my eye was - 'B-School Student Circulates ex-lover Striptease Act' - which happened in Delhi. Whoa! I mean a big WHOA!!! Heard all those horror stories where you have hidden cameras that click the act unknowingly! But what about this girl all of 23-years-old? I mean do all that you want for your boyfriend, but guess when lust takes a wrong turn this is what happens.
Turns out the guy proposed the girl to get married to him and she dumped him. To top it the guy had the audacity to log on to her email ID and then mail the clip to some of her friends. And why wouldn't he - if he got the right to shoot her video it obviously meant he could use it for whatever purpose that he wanted to. Why just blame the guy only! The girl is equally responsible too!
Lust is important too in a relationship but when it comes this far - it turns out as a revenge - it wrecks apart your reputation, your goodwill. Which is given freely to people no matter even to your boyfriend to be toyed so easily. But the Generation Y has an answer to this as well - we think we are so forward, so broad minded and have every freedom in the world to do what we want to. Even if it ends in a similar result as this - its okay. As the phrase goes, 'Chalta Hai'! Yea right.
Do not be surprised if you see more of such stories on the front page of your newspaper. Do not also be shocked when you read that off late college going males prefer to have sex with their girlfriends 'without a condom' coz they think that she is from a good family so she is the safest rather than a commercial sex worker. Wow! I mean what more.....you may probably tag me as someone who is not ahead with the times - well if being ahead is this - am happy to be in the cocoon that I am with my thoughts!!!
Turns out the guy proposed the girl to get married to him and she dumped him. To top it the guy had the audacity to log on to her email ID and then mail the clip to some of her friends. And why wouldn't he - if he got the right to shoot her video it obviously meant he could use it for whatever purpose that he wanted to. Why just blame the guy only! The girl is equally responsible too!
Lust is important too in a relationship but when it comes this far - it turns out as a revenge - it wrecks apart your reputation, your goodwill. Which is given freely to people no matter even to your boyfriend to be toyed so easily. But the Generation Y has an answer to this as well - we think we are so forward, so broad minded and have every freedom in the world to do what we want to. Even if it ends in a similar result as this - its okay. As the phrase goes, 'Chalta Hai'! Yea right.
Do not be surprised if you see more of such stories on the front page of your newspaper. Do not also be shocked when you read that off late college going males prefer to have sex with their girlfriends 'without a condom' coz they think that she is from a good family so she is the safest rather than a commercial sex worker. Wow! I mean what more.....you may probably tag me as someone who is not ahead with the times - well if being ahead is this - am happy to be in the cocoon that I am with my thoughts!!!
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Bidding your PAST goodbye!!!
At times it seems to be the most difficult task to let go off your past and accept the present. No matter how interesting your present is to you. But still you run behind your past, think about your past, ponder over it, scratch your head (till you notice that your hair starts falling). No matter how much you think about the past - nothing can be done. It just remains past. Similar to the antiques you see kept in the museum. Your past is just like that. Its a different thing that you have visitors who pay to admire it.
Unfortunately your past is not admired by you rather its just thought about. The only outcome you get from it is that you emerge stronger, probably wiser (don't we all want to think that way) SIGH!!! A big SIGH!
Then comes the question - Oh but wish I had a perfect life - wish I didn't make A my friend. Wish I was smarter to tackle things. Wish I had that attitude, wish I was even more beautiful, wish I was sexier, wish I had taken care of this before, wish I could take care of my health....and the list is endless.
Then you make yourself understand that well we are all humans - we are bound to make mistakes, it happens, human hearts tend to go with slow, its only but natural. So learn the lessons and bid goodbye to your past.
If only human minds and hearts work that way. How you wish!!!! But I guess your past sort of makes you a more responsible person. You tend to be more cautious, probably you may also experience the same pain again but maybe the third time you may just stop yourself!
The next time you start thinking about your past - think of one positive thing that turned out of the whole experience.
Unfortunately your past is not admired by you rather its just thought about. The only outcome you get from it is that you emerge stronger, probably wiser (don't we all want to think that way) SIGH!!! A big SIGH!
Then comes the question - Oh but wish I had a perfect life - wish I didn't make A my friend. Wish I was smarter to tackle things. Wish I had that attitude, wish I was even more beautiful, wish I was sexier, wish I had taken care of this before, wish I could take care of my health....and the list is endless.
Then you make yourself understand that well we are all humans - we are bound to make mistakes, it happens, human hearts tend to go with slow, its only but natural. So learn the lessons and bid goodbye to your past.
If only human minds and hearts work that way. How you wish!!!! But I guess your past sort of makes you a more responsible person. You tend to be more cautious, probably you may also experience the same pain again but maybe the third time you may just stop yourself!
The next time you start thinking about your past - think of one positive thing that turned out of the whole experience.
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