Learning to SAIL SKILFULLY.....

No...no...no...do not expect me to shed tears and cry now....its a funny situation...very funny..and yea as they say please do not take any drastic steps....naahhh...dont worry about me committing suicide - :) coz I won't,yea perhaps others may.....as my mom famously says....you got to learn to swim in the rough choppy sea. Yeah initially I used to swim in a river...now I really need to learn to swim in the sea. After the kind of "shark" I just happened to meet...(btw the shark just happened to pass by) wow how I just love this!!!!! anywayz...so now I really need to plan and chalk it all out...for myself.

As for swimming in the sea....now is the time to act smart and clever....maybe I can say goodbye to the days when I used to run for the 'EXIT'...which I was and am still considering for the same. And which I shall not do. Coz when will I be a survivor rather than being called 'ESCAPIST' every other time when people come with their horror masks to come and scare me away! And yea I do run away....this time its going to be a little different. Little??? Well now that depends on my success ratio. How successfully can I really get out of it all....

Okay enough of philosophical talks...first things first, where I actually needed to cry is....when one of my colleague cum classmate cum (oh uh well can I actually call her a frnd) got more than me and not just twice the amount thrice the amount!!!! Well I really want to dislike her but thats no fault of her's its mine...I should have been a bit persistent...which am not...you see I always behave as Money can be got from anywhere...maybe there's a tree where you just need to go ahead and pluck them all!!!! So am not toooo careful about it....so well what's the point in crying...

Half the world act smart and can get away with everything and anything they want...thus leaving you alone to sail your own ship...its like you thought they were doing it so you could sit and just chill maro...suddenly when the ship starts to act funny you panic...thats exactly whats happening...so moral of the story....

SAIL YOUR OWN SHIP AND NEVER PICK AND CHOOSE JUST THROW THEM IN THE SEA!!!! :)) (need to learn to be wicked!!) one more skill to learn in my kitty.....

The ART of FAKISM (or is the act)

No matter, how much you do not want to....you just have to FAKE it! Its like you have no choice at all! Whether its a smile, a laugh, loving somebody or for that matter even an orgasm. Haven't you heard that - on how many times you need to fake it to reach to the top! :)

Anywayz, I think my time too has arrived that I need to fake it too....no matter what. No not the orgasm part. But even a smile. Which till date I have not yet succeeded...a cold shoulder is what I need to give...Gosh! How I wish I was cold-blooded! Just the look is enough to freeze anyone in their place. So from now on, all you will see is that smile which goes hmmmm.....but my only concern is that I hope I don't lose out the real 'ME' somewhere in the act of faking so much so that I am confused in who's the real ME!!! But then that too or there too lies the art of doing it effectively, without posing any harm on oneself.

The need thus arose, coz am just too tired of getting hurt, being emotional, trusting somebody and then trying to get up and trying to find a 'better person' to lead better lives....SIGH!!!! and a big SIGH! to that...coz I do not want to get tied along with somebody...

Today is day 1 for experimenting with fakism....lets see how far I go....hehehehehee....or maybe not too far...I may just come back...(considering the success ratio) :)) coz the heart is always involved...maybe I just need to settle in with however I am...spread my hands out and say...u wanna welcome me...do that or just F*** off!!! You really have no right to rule my life...coz I decide that!!

Its my Birthday!!!!! So what do I want????

Its my birthday today!!! yea on 3rd of November a ROCKSTAR was born and yea thats me!!!! Now, what do I actually want for myself on this day??? First of all, I need to catch up on some sleep, loads of sleep at that. Then yea sit with 'old' friends and family as well and catch up with those old times and great times that I had! Coz its like yea 'Those were the best days of my life - to remember and cherish!' Though today am at work, well am not complainin, except that they just give me compensation on something or the other. And then will just fly out like a free bird from here!!! I just read my horoscope and yea they do read 'good' things for your next year. But all am wondering is will they really happen?? Really?? All I need is that grit and determination to go ahead and think positively instead of whining everytime.

And no matter how much I write this, I dont think its going to help, coz it will keep on happening. It just has to be my own self-realisation that will work. That I can go on a complete high and make it there!!! Nywayz....they say its not a big deal that its your birthday and all! But well, its a day where you can feel special and wanted. At least people give you some minutes, okay seconds of attention. Otherwise every day its so hectic they fail to notice you or anything about you...hehehehee...(a bit exaggerated though!) so am glad to be enjoying this day though am at work. I do hope to go home soon! And real soon....

Happy happy Birthday to ME!!!!! Here's wishing myself that I smile a lot and laugh a lot!!!!!! Hahahahahaa.......I just did!

Am just having the Monday blues!!!! Somebody help me.........aaaaahhhh....

Yea the title says it all and it also vents out my frustration, my worries, my anger and everything and anything under the sun that spells NEGATIVE!!!! I am somewhat under the negative charm (if you can call that charm!!!) coz its just bitten me and am like if I could only draw and tell you ...:( completely down feel like adding more of them...:((((( yea thats better yea but the blues are coz of dozens of stuff going around me....let me see, am I not opening up??? I do not know....for which I tried contacting my best friend Mr Ninad...but you see he is of no use even if do remember his number by heart!!! Guess if am lost in some La La Land I will never ever get in touch with him!!! Oh Heaven only save me...Yea so like I said it looks like am put under that spell...and its just bothering me as hell.....or is it just some sort of a bad hair day??? Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh wish I could really scream that loud!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH from the top of the mountains!!!! thats what I feel like doing now......and yea there is nobody to save me from my own dilemmas except me myself! and I do hope to do that soon coz this is really bugging me...I am not the kind of person who would love to stay down and out for a longer time...I mean get a life and get going! I mean I never look at the brighter side of life...even if I have got the brightest things...I always feel have got so little with me...which is just so....bad!!!! why do I have to feel that way....why cant I just say life's a party! Life's a joy....but what the heck...its always a gloomy picture that I present myself with!!! Which is making me feel bad! Why should I have people around me to make me happy....having a good job, good family or good stuff around me...isnt just that fine??? Why should I always have a reason to be happy?? Why cant I just stretch my lips and smile (stretch at a cost that they dont hurt me - and its comfortable doing it) hell...am even gettin in touch with loads of them...why cant I just open my arms and fly!!!!!! I mean really really really FLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!So thats there.....Phew!!! I just kind of spilled that out!!!

I just looove the LYRICS of this song!!!

For the first time after listening to U2's 'Sometimes you cant make it on your own!', I heard 'Miracle Drug' today on my way to office...and my ears sort of got attracted to the lyrics itself! The song goes like this....

I want to trip inside your head
Spend the day there...
To hear the things you haven't said
And see what you might see

I want to hear you when you call
Do you feel anything at all?
I want to see your thoughts take shape
And walk right out

Freedom has a scent
Like the top of a new born baby's head

The songs are in your eyes
I see them when you smile
I've had enough I'm not giving up
On a miracle drug

Of science and the human heart
There is no limit
There is no failure here sweetheart
Just when you quit...

I am you and you are mine
Love makes nonsense of space
And time... will disappear
Love and logic keep us clear
Reason is on our side, love...

The songs are in your eyes
I see them when you smile
I've had enough of romantic love
I'd give it up, yeah,
I'd give it up
For a miracle, a miracle drug, a miracle drug

God I need your help tonight
Beneath the noise
Below the din I hear a voice
It's whispering
In science and in medicine
"I was a stranger
You took me in"

The songs are in your eyes
I see them when you smile
I've had enough of romantic love
I'd give it up, yeah,
I'd give it up
For a miracle, miracle drug

Miracle, miracle drug

Endless TV BABBLE!!!!

The other day I was just surfing channels when this news channel caught me by my eyeballs!!! It said, "17 log ko bus ne kuchal diya" (17 people run down by a bus) okay it seems the Blueline bus in New Delhi sort of ran down on some people who died on the spot! That was digestable....then when I surfed back to back to another news channel..came up with "16 log bus se RAUND diye gaye" okie...third news channel gave, 13 people to be dead...okay forget the number of casualty but off late news channels come up with vocabulary that does not catch you by your eye balls but tugs and pulls your collar shaking you up to actually hear and see them! Its like the more dramatic you make it the more people will watch them while they express their viewpoint - not news.

Guess when they recruit these people, while auditioning, they must be seeing for how much anger can you show, no no... no...not anger how dramatic can you be, how good are you with your shudh Hindi (mind you am not accusing Hindi language) rather use words which emphasise lot of attention! Gone are the days when news were said with straight face. In fact I think they hire people who could keep such a face. Coz they didn't have to feel the news let the viewers feel what they could. The least they could do was just smile. Just a centimeter smile thats it!

Some common phrases which anchors/reporters/keep repeating....

"___ Channel pehli channel thi us sthan pe pahuchne wala ... aur hum aapko bata rahein hai....(We are the first news channel to reach the spot and break this news to you...)

"Aur jaise aapne dekha yeh koi mamooli baat nahin hai....etc etc...etc...not to forget their heavy vocabulary!

P.S: Please forgive me since all I remember is the heavy language and more than that I was concentrating on their facial expressions, so if you can remember more phrases do let me know! :)

To see or not to see a Psychologist!!!!

Today's news shouted from the top of their pens...."Sreesanth needs to see psychologists"...yea right! And you expect Sreesanth to come and sit in front of you while he rattles off why he feels like 'abusing', 'nailing' or being angry with all the other players in the field! In fact Sreesanth himself said he's trying to improve himself, bring changes in him, etc...so then why does he need to see a psycho when he knows he has some problem and he's trying to curb it. And for heaven's sake! He isn't some killer on the run! Tennis superstar John McEnroe, former World No.1 tennis player also had temper problems when he played, and this guy did damn well! So what's wrong when Sree does it? Yea its true if he shows this aggression as a player and I mean professionally. But should not take it on personally.

And who says the Australians are the kind gentlemen at heart or who get hurt so easily by these actions. They will get back if they have to and there are no two ways about it! And even we have seen their on-field action and I do mean 'action'! At least we have a player who does not chew his nails when he feels we will be losing out soon enough but someone who fights back!

So please leave the youngster alone and let him do his own evaluation as to what he needs to improve and I don't think there is anything wrong in him. Heck! The guy admitted he is highly (if that pleases you Mr Psychologist!) highly-aggressive!

So be aggressive Sreee...only do not take it personally be cool yet aggressive! And we love watching your actions on field!