I feel so down, so out and so out of the blue...that am all out of love...am not lost without anybody...but its getting lonelier by the minute...I mean it is seriously very funny the way people behave....one moment they are nice to you the next minute they are like ....well - its worse than getting introduced...and then you get lost...like who do I converse with??? Everybody bloody around are so...well..selfish and so eeewwww...that at times you feel as if you have just committed a sin...and there were witnesses who saw you do that...and all are going to testify against you....
Its getting bloody lonelier here...coz I just dont know whats happening at my place...that similar to my place being in some corner of the office I too feel as if I have been locked up and forgotten in some part of the hole...that I will not be called maybe if I leave the place people will not notice...but then the question is why do you want people to notice...are you so hungry for attention that you will want people to notice you...to stand up and salute you...I guess these shoddy expectations sort of leave you bruised and scarred...that even if its just a scratch on your skin it hurts and it bloody hurts so much that there will be nobody who can come and wipe off your tears...
I guess when you expect a lot...life just shows you that a paper can be blank...and not necessarily anything can be written on it...even when you think there will be another instruction of life...and that is what is not sad...coz the paper wants you to write something on it...where it wants you to create your own rules - why is it that...we always look at the door...longing that somebody will open, shout, and embrace you telling you that - "Its ok, I am here!!!" There are one in five times that - that happens...
And when that doesnt happen....human psychology is such that you start blaming your own nature, character that you are good for nothing...or probably you have become so bad or unnoticeable that it is these things that make you cry and bring despair in your life. Which is just so sad...
No matter how many times after I have seen Batman - The Dark Knight - that am so bloody obsessed with the Joker character...that I want to be somewhat similar to him while dealing with stupid situations in my life...that well I just cant seem to handle it....I just become so emotional myself...that there is no self realisation that whatever is happening is ok...its just a phase...and well...let things be as they are...and not be bothered by it....aaahhhh...
Sometimes I do wonder why I cant leave it as it is.....Just let go.....can I? Well.....only time can tell....but one thing is for sure....if I have managed to become stronger - I will emerge a winner out of all this mucky situation as well.... all I have to do is let it pass....
See you soon here...I intend to write soon.....its more of soul searching...which will keep happening....:) there's hope!!! May God bestow some of Joker's character's ingredients in me....hehehehe...
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