Wow!!! After a long long time am finally getting to write....and it feels strange coz there have been loads of changes during that period. Today was not particularly a good day....I mean I don't know if I woke up from the wrong side of the bed....but yeah...guess will remember this day in years to come... I blew up my whole cooking - once upon a time I was been encouraged that I do make good dal, subzi, etc...now suddenly this whole day coz I ruined everything am frowned upon and looked down as if I really don't know anything. I understand everything is new to me...its just been three months and all that and I am learning but guess you do commit mistakes at least some day or the other....That's why dad says never to be so happy when somebody praises you. Everything gets ruined including your confidence...
I cried the whole evening coz I screwed up and I know if I talk to mum she will definitely tell me that some days are good some days are bad...so take it in your stride and walk with confidence...yeah thats true....but then wise words are remembered only when the whole episode gets over....strange and funny.
Its better to polish up the lost confidence rather than feel depressed especially at the first stages of pregnancy you see do not want a grumpy child who is always cribbing...am doing that already. Sigh! So lets get up dust off our pants and backside as well coz the fall will be steep and there will be loads of pebbles along the way...it is for you to brush them aside and get up with a smiling face....as they say Smile and the world smiles with you, cry and you will cry alone! Which did happen I was all alone crying with nobody to sit beside me and tell me its going to be okay, especially when you are at your in-laws place. Comparisons will be drawn, people will talk but its okay. Always hold your head high and not low you will fail that way!
Take this day as a lesson create a new chapter tomorrow for yourself so you have something to share with your kids someday how their mum always cried when she was been told that her cooking wasn't too good!
I am a ROCKSTAR and will always be one!
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Friday, May 15, 2009
I Return Home as a Married Woman
13/05/09 - 12am
Its been 15 days since I got married and while boarding a flight from Indore to Mumbai felt strange coz I wasn't in my usual jeans and t-shirt, the sneakers were absent and so was my funky bag. Instead was dressed in chudidaar-kurta alongwith gold sandals (that I had worn for the wedding) and a handbag to compliment the outfit (no matter what you see I had to stay true to what I am).
My husband came to see me off at the airport, seemed strange that I was returning back home - back home to where I spent almost well not half of my life but yeah spent a lifetime there. My parents, my cousins, my grandma... I clearly remember on the day of my wedding during the send-off ceremony, with tears in my eyes as I hugged my loved ones - I only had one question to ask mum, "Can't I come home, just to see it for one last time?", though it wouldn't be 'last time' but emotions are so heavy, the urge so strong that you wish you could just run away from it all and curl up on your bed and go to sleep. Never wanting to leave your own house.
But I guess I keep on saying this one phrase over and over again, 'You move on in life', when people tell me that, "Oh, we know you will start crying when you come home", to which I tell them I wouldn't. Its like reading a book, once you start turning the pages of the book, you wouldn't return back to page 1, so is with life. I believe that this phase is like a new chapter in my life. And yeah there is no returning back - you have to create a story out of it. And a beautiful one too.
In a few days I will be back to my 'new home', my own house, my new family. A new life, new beginnings. Watch out for this space coz no matter what I will be BACK with another exciting experience. Keeping my fingers crossed on that one!
Its been 15 days since I got married and while boarding a flight from Indore to Mumbai felt strange coz I wasn't in my usual jeans and t-shirt, the sneakers were absent and so was my funky bag. Instead was dressed in chudidaar-kurta alongwith gold sandals (that I had worn for the wedding) and a handbag to compliment the outfit (no matter what you see I had to stay true to what I am).
My husband came to see me off at the airport, seemed strange that I was returning back home - back home to where I spent almost well not half of my life but yeah spent a lifetime there. My parents, my cousins, my grandma... I clearly remember on the day of my wedding during the send-off ceremony, with tears in my eyes as I hugged my loved ones - I only had one question to ask mum, "Can't I come home, just to see it for one last time?", though it wouldn't be 'last time' but emotions are so heavy, the urge so strong that you wish you could just run away from it all and curl up on your bed and go to sleep. Never wanting to leave your own house.
But I guess I keep on saying this one phrase over and over again, 'You move on in life', when people tell me that, "Oh, we know you will start crying when you come home", to which I tell them I wouldn't. Its like reading a book, once you start turning the pages of the book, you wouldn't return back to page 1, so is with life. I believe that this phase is like a new chapter in my life. And yeah there is no returning back - you have to create a story out of it. And a beautiful one too.
In a few days I will be back to my 'new home', my own house, my new family. A new life, new beginnings. Watch out for this space coz no matter what I will be BACK with another exciting experience. Keeping my fingers crossed on that one!
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Pre Marriage Blues Part III
Okay so just 15 days left from today - for the D-day to take place. And is the shopping happening??? Don't forget this-don't forget that, well as the list gets ticked and checked on what is left - I happen to learn new things. Relationships!!! Wow!
Big Wow! Okay so I have never been in a relationship except for small crushes. With friends, I guess its a different story. You don't have to bother about what they will think if you do this or that or you don't have to think twice whether they will get upset if you just happen to pull their leg. And yeah you can laugh and talk out loud no matter what! But in a relationship, well at least initially - you have to be extremely extremely careful about lot of things and if it is a long distance relationship - well God save you then. Especially if you don't know the guy very well and if the phone is the only instrument to connect you - it does get a bit difficult.
Difficult but not impossible. Problem with me is I love to talk to people watch their expressions (its a different story that people like to watch my expression while conversing) at least I know their reaction. Lesson 1 that I learnt from these past two months - Relationships need a lot of PATIENCE - you just cannot hurry up or react to things so soon - just act naturally. Better watch the mood, get the right timing and talk it out of whatever that is bothering you.
Easier said than done, I hope and pray to God to give me the 'required' patience for I run out of it every now and then. 15 days left - you will be hearing more from me coz now am really getting nervous...
Till then watch out for how a bride-to-be feels when there are just 14 days left, her most of the shopping is left, she has to pack her bags and what more!!!
Big Wow! Okay so I have never been in a relationship except for small crushes. With friends, I guess its a different story. You don't have to bother about what they will think if you do this or that or you don't have to think twice whether they will get upset if you just happen to pull their leg. And yeah you can laugh and talk out loud no matter what! But in a relationship, well at least initially - you have to be extremely extremely careful about lot of things and if it is a long distance relationship - well God save you then. Especially if you don't know the guy very well and if the phone is the only instrument to connect you - it does get a bit difficult.
Difficult but not impossible. Problem with me is I love to talk to people watch their expressions (its a different story that people like to watch my expression while conversing) at least I know their reaction. Lesson 1 that I learnt from these past two months - Relationships need a lot of PATIENCE - you just cannot hurry up or react to things so soon - just act naturally. Better watch the mood, get the right timing and talk it out of whatever that is bothering you.
Easier said than done, I hope and pray to God to give me the 'required' patience for I run out of it every now and then. 15 days left - you will be hearing more from me coz now am really getting nervous...
Till then watch out for how a bride-to-be feels when there are just 14 days left, her most of the shopping is left, she has to pack her bags and what more!!!
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Pre Marriage Blues Part II
Okay, so I am blogging after a looong time....but am blogging at least. Tomorrow is April 1st...which doesn't sort of cool my senses or calm my nerves (not that somebody is going to make a fool out of me on this 'auspicious day') but apparently my marriage date is set on April 27th - which is the reason that I have begun to feel all sorts of different emotions at one go. You name it I got it! Nervous, excitement, happiness, sadness, angry - Wow!!!
Shopping is on - though not everything listed is purchased. Have given myself a three day break - and am not active at all! The sarees that I purchased well have got seven of them already! Now I have to learn how to drape them - can't expect somebody to come and do it for you. One thing my elder cousin told me was to learn everything on my own. Be independent. Learn to be strong and rest will follow. Then you know how the feeling is - you feel you just have a few days to stay at your parents home so enjoy as much as you can, get pampered, etc, etc...But I guess maybe practising to be strong, to be independent starts here....
Trying to learn yoga (completely this time) wouldn't want to end up looking fat even after marriage or for that matter put on that extra weight. Meditation is something which can help me as well. Have got several advices as to going to a massage parlour so that your skin glows on your D-day. Am trying to myself motivated - but thats easier said than done. No longer do I try to feel happy, try to feel special something or the other crops up to dash it off.
And in this state of mind - negativity make its way - guess its just waiting around the corner to catch hold of its next victim (not that its difficult to find victims, but the more the merrier) and its also easy to make yourself feel - Oh poor me, how will I go through this, how will my relatives be? There is precisely no end to this.
Watch out for this space coz you might just get to read more of my roller coaster emotions or my pre marriage blues! Wish me luck!
Shopping is on - though not everything listed is purchased. Have given myself a three day break - and am not active at all! The sarees that I purchased well have got seven of them already! Now I have to learn how to drape them - can't expect somebody to come and do it for you. One thing my elder cousin told me was to learn everything on my own. Be independent. Learn to be strong and rest will follow. Then you know how the feeling is - you feel you just have a few days to stay at your parents home so enjoy as much as you can, get pampered, etc, etc...But I guess maybe practising to be strong, to be independent starts here....
Trying to learn yoga (completely this time) wouldn't want to end up looking fat even after marriage or for that matter put on that extra weight. Meditation is something which can help me as well. Have got several advices as to going to a massage parlour so that your skin glows on your D-day. Am trying to myself motivated - but thats easier said than done. No longer do I try to feel happy, try to feel special something or the other crops up to dash it off.
And in this state of mind - negativity make its way - guess its just waiting around the corner to catch hold of its next victim (not that its difficult to find victims, but the more the merrier) and its also easy to make yourself feel - Oh poor me, how will I go through this, how will my relatives be? There is precisely no end to this.
Watch out for this space coz you might just get to read more of my roller coaster emotions or my pre marriage blues! Wish me luck!
Monday, March 16, 2009
Pre Marriage Blues - Part I
Okay....so whoever said that getting married is the most easiest thing to do in life must have eloped or must be dumb to say that (sorry to say that but couldn't help it). While its true that the real picture comes after you get married - just taking the first step could probably be well, shaky. As for me well will be getting married in a month - and there are all sorts of emotions that are running through my heart, different sort of thoughts running through my head. All I know is that I want to be really really happy when I get married and even after marriage. Take that extra effort, do something that I haven't really done. As Buz Lurhmann says, "Do something that scares you", probably not every other day. But yeah I mean when I look back at my life there are few things that I do regret. But then as they say if you do not make mistakes - you cannot be perfect. In fact these very mistakes help you to be perfect....
But its like that, a different phase taking place. And though am nervous as hell coz I will be leaving my safe and warm zone and moving to another zone, its going to take time to adjust to that whole new world. Coz I haven't stayed with my relatives let alone mingle with them so..... And the very fact being that I have always stayed in touch with my friends. They mean everything to me. So....well. Lets see.
Anywayz...so thats that every other day I keep on giving a philosophical talk to myself to motivate me to keep myself ready for whatever will happen in the future. So am trying to brush it off my shoulders.... Breathe in...Breathe out....Gosh!!!! Will keep you posted on whats happening....haven't started out with shopping as yet...so.....will let you know the first item on my list!
But its like that, a different phase taking place. And though am nervous as hell coz I will be leaving my safe and warm zone and moving to another zone, its going to take time to adjust to that whole new world. Coz I haven't stayed with my relatives let alone mingle with them so..... And the very fact being that I have always stayed in touch with my friends. They mean everything to me. So....well. Lets see.
Anywayz...so thats that every other day I keep on giving a philosophical talk to myself to motivate me to keep myself ready for whatever will happen in the future. So am trying to brush it off my shoulders.... Breathe in...Breathe out....Gosh!!!! Will keep you posted on whats happening....haven't started out with shopping as yet...so.....will let you know the first item on my list!
Monday, February 2, 2009
Knock knock knocking on my door....
As I sit down to write this blog - am still wondering what I should actually write. In fact what I wanted to write is already printed at the back of my head. This past week has been a roller coaster ride for me. And I thought I should write it down and not let it go to waste - coz why not share the most wonderful surprises that Life rather Destiny has in store for us.
Last week - I was being told that my company does not have a role for me - asked to me to decide what I would like to do for the company. They were giving me a position which just didn't suit my passion, my creativity, my ideas. So as a result - I bid them goodbye with a heavy heart. I know usually its not supposed to be that way. Rather you would think - hey lets quit, what the heck... So thats there. This door was officially CLOSED!
So now what NEXT?
Well, I was supposed to meet this guy as to see if we could be a suitable match and if that happens would we be happy sharing our future together. I just sat with him for about five hours. Asking questions back and forth. I mean how many questions can one ask - and even if you do manage to ask - how helpful would that question's answer be in the near future. But as the cliche goes - that spark, that connection is enough to help you sail through the whole thing.
Which is what I did.... the very next day things got decided - that we would be having the 'roka' or the confirmation ceremony as I would like to call it. It was seriously a roller coaster ride. You just don't know what will happen - what will change and who will be standing by your side. I mean it was only till yesterday that I was single and ready to mingle.
But am no more single, ready to mingle and all that. I am officially now engaged to be married and that too soon. So you see sometimes life does ask you questions - its waiting for you to give the answers, though destiny is involved in the process. It is the matter of how much you allow yourself to go with the flow without assuming, questioning or suspecting.
As humans we always tend to think that all the negative things are bound to happen to us. We live in fear, that sadisitic pleasure that we get by thinking that probably something bad might happen. Nobody would think about it conciously but it is there at the back of everyones mind. So thats there.
All that is left for me to do is to learn, explore and implement! As famous writers say, Watch out for this space! Ta Da!!! See u soon!
Last week - I was being told that my company does not have a role for me - asked to me to decide what I would like to do for the company. They were giving me a position which just didn't suit my passion, my creativity, my ideas. So as a result - I bid them goodbye with a heavy heart. I know usually its not supposed to be that way. Rather you would think - hey lets quit, what the heck... So thats there. This door was officially CLOSED!
So now what NEXT?
Well, I was supposed to meet this guy as to see if we could be a suitable match and if that happens would we be happy sharing our future together. I just sat with him for about five hours. Asking questions back and forth. I mean how many questions can one ask - and even if you do manage to ask - how helpful would that question's answer be in the near future. But as the cliche goes - that spark, that connection is enough to help you sail through the whole thing.
Which is what I did.... the very next day things got decided - that we would be having the 'roka' or the confirmation ceremony as I would like to call it. It was seriously a roller coaster ride. You just don't know what will happen - what will change and who will be standing by your side. I mean it was only till yesterday that I was single and ready to mingle.
But am no more single, ready to mingle and all that. I am officially now engaged to be married and that too soon. So you see sometimes life does ask you questions - its waiting for you to give the answers, though destiny is involved in the process. It is the matter of how much you allow yourself to go with the flow without assuming, questioning or suspecting.
As humans we always tend to think that all the negative things are bound to happen to us. We live in fear, that sadisitic pleasure that we get by thinking that probably something bad might happen. Nobody would think about it conciously but it is there at the back of everyones mind. So thats there.
All that is left for me to do is to learn, explore and implement! As famous writers say, Watch out for this space! Ta Da!!! See u soon!
Friday, January 23, 2009
Those TWO Minutes.....
"You don't know Megs, life is much better than you think", my colleague cum a good friend Saahil* happened to tell me last evening.... and well I just made a face and walked ahead.
Again when I crossed Saahil's* path - he still said the same thing, "Life is actually better, than you think - can I talk to you for two minutes?" One thing going at the back of my head was - well what do these people know. What do they know what I am going through?
I still went ahead and gave him my day's two minutes. What he told me - touched me, brought tears to my eyes, made me angry, made me feel helpless and made me reach out for him as well.
Saahil is a dentist by profession and an entertainer as well (I mean it!) and has a girlfriend with whom he has had a relationship for five to six years. This last week has been a bit tough for both of them. The D-day or rather the D -week as they call it. That would decide whether he could be a part of this woman's life whom he loved, cherished and treasured her love in his heart of hearts. This is what touched me!
What made me angry; her parents are not willing to see her settle down with this guy. They threatened her that they will kill themselves and if she does go ahead with it - then it is best if she does not show her face to them in future. And what not!
Why were they unwilling to accept this friend of mine? Coz he is of a different religion, he is in the field of entertainment (if he flirts with other women - who knows he might leave her!), he eats non-veg... and the list goes on. His girlfriend has tried hard, through salty tears, with determination in her mind to convince them but they have stood their ground.
What brought tears to my eyes was the fact that this darling friend of mine accepted the situation as is. In fact when he goes out with his girlfriend he eats orders vegetarian food, cannot call her up at his own will - only when she gives him a miss call can he call her back, meets her only when she's out with her friends. I mean goes to every extent of keeping her happy.
Her parents feel that they will be able to find a much better guy, very rich and who will also follow 'their culture'. Yeah right! Probably they will always keep their eyes shut and ignore the finer things that life gives them. What sort of parents would want to see their daughter unhappy, not getting her married to the man whom she loves to chat with, cuddle him, pamper him and get into sweet arguments with him at the same time.
The irony of the situation was, while her parents will not allow her to marry the guy she loves, my parents are willing and would welcome the option with open arms. The only thing is I don't have a GUY! So life is funny as they say.
My friend was right, life is better, much better than what we think - it seems they have put an end to their relationship. Coz well its not going to work anyways. Her parents have confiscated her cell so that she does not talk to him!
He looked at me, smiled and said, "Am fine - its okay, you go home now, will be late." I couldn't help but admire the brave face he put on that evening - I got up, welled with emotions, hugged him and bid him goodbye while he toyed with his cell.
What also touched me the most that evening was while I was leaving, he was going through the 'Images' folder on his phone to admire his love probably whom he would not be able to see again!
*Name changed on request
Again when I crossed Saahil's* path - he still said the same thing, "Life is actually better, than you think - can I talk to you for two minutes?" One thing going at the back of my head was - well what do these people know. What do they know what I am going through?
I still went ahead and gave him my day's two minutes. What he told me - touched me, brought tears to my eyes, made me angry, made me feel helpless and made me reach out for him as well.
Saahil is a dentist by profession and an entertainer as well (I mean it!) and has a girlfriend with whom he has had a relationship for five to six years. This last week has been a bit tough for both of them. The D-day or rather the D -week as they call it. That would decide whether he could be a part of this woman's life whom he loved, cherished and treasured her love in his heart of hearts. This is what touched me!
What made me angry; her parents are not willing to see her settle down with this guy. They threatened her that they will kill themselves and if she does go ahead with it - then it is best if she does not show her face to them in future. And what not!
Why were they unwilling to accept this friend of mine? Coz he is of a different religion, he is in the field of entertainment (if he flirts with other women - who knows he might leave her!), he eats non-veg... and the list goes on. His girlfriend has tried hard, through salty tears, with determination in her mind to convince them but they have stood their ground.
What brought tears to my eyes was the fact that this darling friend of mine accepted the situation as is. In fact when he goes out with his girlfriend he eats orders vegetarian food, cannot call her up at his own will - only when she gives him a miss call can he call her back, meets her only when she's out with her friends. I mean goes to every extent of keeping her happy.
Her parents feel that they will be able to find a much better guy, very rich and who will also follow 'their culture'. Yeah right! Probably they will always keep their eyes shut and ignore the finer things that life gives them. What sort of parents would want to see their daughter unhappy, not getting her married to the man whom she loves to chat with, cuddle him, pamper him and get into sweet arguments with him at the same time.
The irony of the situation was, while her parents will not allow her to marry the guy she loves, my parents are willing and would welcome the option with open arms. The only thing is I don't have a GUY! So life is funny as they say.
My friend was right, life is better, much better than what we think - it seems they have put an end to their relationship. Coz well its not going to work anyways. Her parents have confiscated her cell so that she does not talk to him!
He looked at me, smiled and said, "Am fine - its okay, you go home now, will be late." I couldn't help but admire the brave face he put on that evening - I got up, welled with emotions, hugged him and bid him goodbye while he toyed with his cell.
What also touched me the most that evening was while I was leaving, he was going through the 'Images' folder on his phone to admire his love probably whom he would not be able to see again!
*Name changed on request
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